Creating this website, Mikayla's Trans Life, initially began out of necessity for me but has turned into a labour of love, and a reflection of my passions. Ironically, that is exactly how I feel about my transition, and my journey as a Transwoman as a whole. I spent much of my adult life hiding who I was, living a lie.... and hating myself.

This is my way of standing in my truth and documenting that journey.

The last thing I wanted or expected was to be publicly speaking out and writing about transitioning. On the contrary, my reasons for hiding my sexuality and gender identity (I'm a Pansexual Transgender woman) for so many years was because of fear... the fear of what others would think and say, and the fear of what it might cost me if I did finally come out. These are things most Trans people can relate to because they are more the rule than the exception. In retrospect, these fears were not unfounded. I lost friends, family, my income, my home...all within the first year of coming out Trans and beginning my transition.

Sadly, this was not all that I lost.

In early 2019, as part of the fallout that came with my coming out, I was forced into a position where I needed to find new accommodation. I moved into a suite in a home with multiple units. I had only lived there for 9 days when 3 men kicked in my door and beat me with a baseball bat. The men who did it were neighbors- with whom I had seen but had no interaction. It was a targeted, gender-based, hate-fueled assault...for my heinous crime of being Transgender. Those men left no doubt as to why they did it... In addition to nearly killing me, and smashing much of what I owned, one of them wrote the words 'Faggot' and 'Tranny'in lipstick across my wall, and the word 'Fag' was also carved into a leather tattooist chair I owned. The image of those words is literally burned into my mind... . Police treated both the attack and me with disdain and a lack of priority or seriousness. They chose 'not to pursue charges due to a lack of witnesses- I was inside my own home and it was late at night for God's sake... I'm pretty sure that no witnesses were exactly what those guys intended. Adding insult to I injury (literally), one of the officers implied that I should have been able to handle things because I'm "really a man".

I had two female advocates from the Downtown Eastside Women's Center go there a number of days later to see about salvaging some of my belonging's, and for their safety, they had arranged to have Police meet them at the suite - and the cops didn't even show up. It was disgusting and dehumanizing.

When I said previously that my transition had cost me, I meant it. In addition to the people and things I lost, the attack cost me my mobility. The fracture injuries and spinal cord complications I suffered led to a 13 hr. long spine surgery to install 2 titanium rods that run the entire length of my spine, 11 screws, and a 'cylindrical cage" enveloping a destroyed vertebra (see photo at the end for a thorough explanation). I also have nerve damage in my lower legs. and have lost most of the feeling below the knees. I spent a year in hospital, nearly 8 months of that in full-time rehab because I'm so stubborn that I refused to accept not ever walking again. I had to learn to walk using two legs that feel like they are both always asleep (constant pins and needles below the knees). I spent long hours and many days painfully rehabbing my body, and crying many tears in the process...

I will still never walk properly again.

The men that attacked me took much from me, but they also gave me something in return. They gave me purpose. I stated earlier that the last thing I wanted was to be public with my transition and Trans journey, but clearly, circumstances have changed that. Being victimized will do one of two things... it either breaks you, or it makes you. After what I went through, I truly thought long and hard about whether I wanted to risk making myself a further target by speaking and writing in a public way. Yet in my heart, I feel that if sharing my story saves even one Transwoman from going through something similar, then it is worth it.

I refuse to be looked at as a victim. I am a survivor of Trans violence. I have spent my life overcoming trauma, and with a natural fighter's instinct and spirit, I can do nothing less now than fight back. I will spend my life standing up and speaking out against Trans violence, and for the rights of Transgender people. We are human beings, and deserve the same rights, freedoms and safety afforded all people. What I went through forged a will to fight back. It also helped me find my voice. I realized I can use my words and the power of my pen to create change. I began writing poetry while in hospital as a way to help me heal and to vent. I also realized I can educate and inspire with those same words.

We have to be the change we want to see... That is what Mikayla's Trans Life is all about.

Be who you are, my lovelies...be EXACTLY Who. You. Are.

Mikayla Cadger

My Spine X-ray showing the rods and pins surgeons installed

The incision in my back- which was over 50 stiches

Although I have been to Hell and back, I don't think of myself as a victim of Trans violence... I am a survivor. My scars are not reminders of my pain, they are symbols of my strength. This is an x-ray of my spine after undergoing a 13-hour long surgery to repair the damage I suffered in the assault. I had injuries to both my spine and spinal cord. My bone injuries are to the Cervical section of my spine- specifically the C5-C7 vertebrae. My spinal cord injuries are to the Thoracic section T5-T7. The incision in my back runs from the base of my neck to my tailbone, and was over 50 stitches. Surgeons installed 2 titanium rods that run the length of my spine, 11 screws, and they constructed a cylindrical 'cage' (see center) that has replaced a destroyed vertebra. They also cut bone slivers from my hips and packed them inside the cage to provide an anchor point for new bone to grow from. The injuries to my spinal cord are neuromuscular, and I have extensive nerve root damage to both my abdomen and below my knees on both legs. I have little feeling in my lower legs and feet, other than constant 'pins n' needles'...imagine that both of your legs have fallen asleep under you, and then try to walk using those legs. I now suffer from chronic back pain, neuropathic (nerve) pain, and musculoskeletal pain (muscle spasticity and hyper contractions in my legs). I spent a full year in hospital rehabbing my body and learning to walk again. Even under these circumstances, I feel blessed, as I very easily could have ended up paralyzed and in a wheelchair for the rest of my life. However, my mobility will never be the same, and I will have to live with chronic pain for the rest of my life.