Poem: Prison Of Flesh

PRISON OF FLESH

Very early on I knew

The way I felt inside

Too young to realize it's not ok

For a little boy to want

More than anything else

Just to be a princess for a day.

All the other kids

Started picking on me

'Cause the clothing that I liked was not allowed

Pink and frilly things

Are for sissies they would say

And it really made me stand out in a crowd.

I was always bullied

Both at school and at home

Never living up to what they want

The secret that I kept

Only made me feel worse

I'm only good to laugh at or to taunt.

Instead of being happy

All I knew growing up

Was how much that I hated being male

I felt trapped in a body

I was never meant to have

Trust me it was worse than any jail.

Self-loathing and shame

Were good friends of mine

As I tried for years pretending to adhere

Expectations made on me

By the rest of the world

Hiding deep inside that I was queer

Overcompensating

For who and what I was

Wearing masks so others wouldn't guess

Yet behind closed doors

What really saved my sanity

That saving grace was makeup and a dress

So many wasted years

All the trauma building up

Drugs and booze became a lifelong war

Suicide attempts

Didn't solve a fucking thing

Yet I knew I couldn't do it anymore

The answer all along

Was just to follow my heart

And embrace the woman I had always been

This prison made of flesh

Will not destroy me anymore

Because who you are is not a mortal sin.

Mikayla Cadger